Access to bereavement support matters at every age
To mark National Grief Awareness Week, our chief executive Deborah Alsina MBE reflects on the findings from our recent bereavement report.
“There was no one there. I could speak to people, but there was no one there to give you a hug or to come round and chat to you because you weren’t allowed to do that.” Diana

What a difficult time it’s been to journey through grief over these last 18 months of pandemic. At Independent Age we’ve been hearing first hand of how painful it has been for the many people facing a bereavement without the usual supports of family, friends and activities.
Bereavement is a crucial issue for us as a charity working alongside people in later life. The death of someone close — in many cases a life partner — can often act as a trigger for a whole set of other issues around health, finances and social isolation.
But how often do we think specifically about the support needs of bereaved people in later life? I think there can be a tendency to assume all older people are automatically well placed to cope with grief. Perhaps because deaths when we are older are often more expected they are thought to be inevitably less ‘problematic’ for those bereaved.

This idea is increasingly being challenged. We know that people aged over 65 are no less likely to experience ‘prolonged grief disorder’ — a clinically recognised condition that will usually need specialist support — than bereaved people of younger ages. And although grief is lonely and painful at any age, in later life it can be compounded by shrinking support networks and declining physical health.
For our new report, Grief Encounters, we talked to bereaved older people about the types of support they’d received and how well this met their needs. We found a real reluctance to reach out for support beyond friends and family.
As Bill explains,
“I don’t like bothering anybody. If I can manage, I manage and that’s it.”
Many of our interviewees talked about feeling that asking for help would mean they were a burden, taking up resources others needed more, or even that seeking support would itself be a sign of weakness. Pauline told us,
“I’m one of those people that thinks there are people a lot worse off than I am and they need it more than me, so don’t take up the place that somebody else needs.”
These attitudes play out in the proportions of older people seeking support; polling carried out for us by YouGov found that just 4% of people aged over 65 had sought bereavement support beyond their family and friends compared to 9% of people under 65.
Of course, we need to be careful not to send a message that grief is a medical issue that everyone will need to seek a formal service to ‘fix’. Or to undermine the reality that many older people do cope well without more formal support; we heard many examples during our research of fantastic support from family and friends as well as individuals’ own coping strategies and resilience. But we must get to a point where those who do need further support feel able to access it, whatever their age.
What did we learn about the types of bereavement support people in later life found most useful? As we’d expect, there’s no one size fits all here. For some of our interviewees, support from peers in a group setting had been really valuable while for others a one-to-one approach was preferred. Similarly, online forums and video conferencing worked well for some but would be a non-starter for others. The key takeaway is that there needs to be a genuine choice of options when it comes to bereavement support.
Unfortunately, the bereavement sector is severely under-resourced and so the options available vary hugely by area and there are often long waiting lists for support. To ensure the right options are available for people at the right time, we think there needs to be a real step change in leadership around the issue of bereavement.

It’s positive that new Health Minister Gillian Keegan MP has responsibility bereavement in her brief, but this must be accompanied by a comprehensive Government strategy for bereavement, setting out how future investment will be secured. And at a more local level, the newly forming Integrated Care Systems are an opportunity to clarify responsibility arrangements for bereavement so that the goal of a more consistent and comprehensive support offer for bereaved people is actually prioritised.
Partnership working will be vital to these changes and so we’re pleased to have been instrumental in setting up and supporting the UK Bereavement Commission which is working over the next year to make the case for improved support for bereaved people. The Commission is looking to hear from both individuals and organisations with experiences to share, so if this is an issue that matters to you and your loved ones, please do take the time to fill in their online survey here: https://bereavementcommission.org.uk/taking-part/
Together we can ensure that a lasting legacy of the pandemic is an improved bereavement support offer for everyone who needs it, regardless of their age or circumstances.